Suffered In Silence
by AerrowLover
Summary: Sam never lets on when he's sick yet Dean can always tell. This time, however, it seems to be much worse than normal, prompting Dean to worry. Sam gets worse and still doesn't let on - but what is the matter? Drabble Series!
1. Sickness

**A/N: ****So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
****No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

************************************************************  
_This is in memory of:  
__Margaret Boyles, (14th__ October 1935 - 5__th__ August 2009)  
__Best granny ever - I will miss you so much.  
_************************************************************

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Sickness-

_In this world you tried…  
__Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

"You're sick, Sam."

"No, I'm not!"

It's only a mere five minutes later when he runs to the toilet.

Something which has become a pattern - over the last two days, Sam has been constantly sick. And Dean doesn't know why.

It's starting to become a concern.

It's a slightly longer five minutes later when he walks out, pale and ashen faced. Hair a mess.

_As usual._

A quiet laugh to himself.

Several coughs break the silence. Sam runs a hand through his already-tangled hair.

Dean looks up, and wide grin masks the worry he currently feels.

"Told you." A self-satisfied nod of the head to accompany.

A glare through tired eyes.

"Why do you always have to be right?"

A grin that more resembles a smirk.

"'Cause I'm your awesome older brother. I'm always right!" He watches as his little brother rolls his eyes.

"I hate you." Sam flops on the bed with a sigh.

"I know."

* * *


	2. Finality

**A/N: So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Finality-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

"Stop the car, Dean!" He hops out and goes to the roadside. Gets there just in time.

Dean sighs - more in worry than exasperation.

_It's been going on for far too long for something he ate to make him this sick…_

What was wrong? A shake of the head. He didn't know.

How he hated it; not knowing. Made him feel useless; made him feel bad - having to watch his brother be sick and he couldn't help him.

He sighs again.

"Jesus, Sam, it's been two weeks of this now! I think -"

He gets interrupted by a furious Sam, who has just got back into the car looking like crap - pale, hair a mess....

"Firstly, no hospital!" Seeing the glare thrown at him, Sam snaps, "I mean it! Secondly, I'm fine." Thus finished, he fixes his seatbeat and waits.

A raised eyebrow.

A pointed look in reply.

"I _am_ fine!"

A snort.

"Yeah, because "fine" means being sick nearly every day for the past two damn weeks, Sam!" Dean wants to hit his brother, but settles for the steering wheel instead.

"I. Am. Fine." It's said with an edge; an underlying tone.

Finality.

Sam sighs and leans back in his seat; his head resting against the cool window.

The car engine starts; the car drives off.

A whispered "No you're not…" leaks from Dean's mouth, yet it's hidden by the sudden blast of Metallica.

* * *


	3. Sleepless

**A/N: ****So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
****No idea were it came from, either….  
:thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Sleepless-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

He's pale, too pale, with huge dark shadows under his eyes. Sitting up in the bed; hunched over, staring into space.

Dean yawns, ever so attractively. After a rather long session of said yawning he opens his eyes with a brief moan. He doesn't want to get up - hates early mornings.

A glance at his little brother puts his sleepy brain into a screaming "wake up!" mode. Rather Rapidly.

He sits up so quickly he hears his neck creak, but ignores it.

Sam doesn't even so much as move his eyes to glance at him. Something that freaks him out a little.

"Dude? Did you even sleep?" Puzzled, confused.

Frightened.

For a moment it seems Sam isn't going to reply, before he slowly turns his head around to face his big brother.

"Sam?"

The unstaring eyes flicker, and the suddenly he snaps out of it.

"Uh?" He blinks, and then focuses more. "Dean?"

"No, it's a shifter. Yes, Sam, it's me!" A roll of the eyes. His brother isn't with it this morning.

Sam just looks at him.

"Well - did you even get sleeping?" Said impatiently.

A shake of the head answers him.

"It's nothing. Seriously. Just…Just a sore stomach."

His arms are wrapped around said stomach, but to Dean, it looks more like Sam is smothering it; like he's trying to stop it from hurting him.

Sam sees his brother's face, even in the dim morning light that's streaming through the tatty curtains.

Answers the unspoken question.

"I'm fine!" He rolls over, face hidden from sight. Hiding himself in blankets.

"Course you are." Frustrated, Dean climbs out of bed to get a shower.

Trying to push his worry from his mind.

* * *


	4. Helpless

**A/N: So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Helpless-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

They're over at Bobby's to ask for help about their latest hunt - they need his advice, and they know he'll only be too glad to help out.

It's taken a long - _very long_ - journey, but now they're finally here.

_At last..._

Dean yawns and stops the engine. Glances over and sees Sam, who is currently sleeping, head against the window.

_For once…_

He sighs, one of frustration. Just when Sam has finally gone to sleep, he now has to wake him up. Something which he doesn't particularly relish.

But he has too, and with some reluctance, leans over.

A poke.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. We're here."

No response.

Another poke, then a -

"…Uh...?" Never let it be said that Sam Winchester was ever at a loss for words.

Sam starts, opens his eyes and stretches. He gets out of the car before Dean can say anything to him.

A curse, then he follows.

They're soon at the door, and Bobby's there, looking at Dean and then at Sam.

"Sam…?"

The look of shock that crosses the older hunter's face at the sight of Sam makes Dean look closer at his brother.

It's been a month, now - a month of him being sick, not sleeping properly…A month of him losing weight.

He's constantly pale and looks like something they regularly salt-and-burn - that skinny. Sam's taken to wearing baggy sweaters and shirts to hide it yet he hasn't been able to fool Dean. And judging by that look, hasn't fooled Bobby, either.

Who looks at Dean as Sam pushes past him into the house.

A silent "What the hell?" written on his face.

Dean shakes his head helplessly, looking at his brother's back.

_I don't know…_

* * *


	5. Weightless

**A/N: So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Weightless-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

They've just finished killing a particularly strong and resilient 'shifter, after a hell of a fight that has left Dean with a beautiful, striking black eye-

_That's one for the ladies-_

and left Sam unconscious, after having been thrown against a wall with such force.

So now the task falls to him alone to tidy up, and get Sam back to the motel, as carefully as possible.

He walks over to him; checks him.

"Sam? Sammy?"

No response.

He's out cold, and Dean's reluctant to wake him up.

_He needs rest. _

So after finishing up, he hauls his brother's ass back to the car parked outside, and lies him gently over the back seats. Staggering under the weight.

Under his lack of weight, that is.

Dean goes to lift up Sam's sweater and shirt - doing the usual drill of checking for any injuries - and gets the shock of his life. It amkes him stop right in the middle of what he was doing.

When taking the day job into consideration…It's gotta big a pretty big shock.

And to Dean, it is.

He can see his little brother's collarbones, ribs…Everything.

It's all too clear.

"Jesus." It's gasped. Followed by a sharp intake of breath.

"Sammy…" Looks to his unconscious brother, rubbing a hand over his hair, "What's happening to you..?"

A shake of the head; a look of fear.

He's not sure that he wants to know.

* * *


	6. Answered

**A/N: ****So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

**_Wave Obscura_ - I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit before you find out what's the matter with Sam - and here's an update for you. :P  
****_Rit Sam_ - Yup, Sammy's in "suck it up" mode as usual, but for how much longer?  
****_Parinumal07_ - I'm amazed you deem this "Amazing!" :L And here's an update for you.  
****_Racefh853629_ - Sadly you're going to have to wait a bit to find out what's wrong with Sam - hope you stick around with me 'til then!  
****_Wicked-Freakin-Witch_ - Bob, thanks for your reviews, I love you as always. XD But no, Sam does NOT have Swine 'flu, nor is he anorexic. :L **

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Answered-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

Dean's sitting next to Sam's bed in the motel room, holding something you could call a bedside vigil.

_Lovely thought there, Dean. _A mental kick. He doesn't want to think like that.

It's been hours since Sam was knocked out - it's five am now and no sign of the idiot younger brother waking -

_Spoke to soon -_

For there's a sigh from the bed, followed by a toss and a turn. Then the head is attempting to be moved, and the eyes flicker.

Dean's feeling of relief is so strong that for a moment he feels light-headed. He smiles, for even though he himself feels like crap because he got no sleep, it's all good because his little brother did get sleep, and is now waking up.

"Morin', Francis. You took a hell of a punch last night…" A grin, watching eyes blearily open.

So Sam wakes up at five am to Dean Winchester's dulcet tones.

"…Hey…I did?" Confused sounding. A pause, then-

"Wait - are you okay…?" The eyes open more and a look of concern is present. He struggles to get out of the bed.

But Dean pushes him back in firmly.

"I'm fine, kiddo." A reassuring smile.

_Typical Sam, asking for me before himself._

Sam opens his mouth in protest at being tucked into bed, but Dean interrupts.

"You're staying in bed for a bit. You could do with some sleep."

Sam again goes to open his mouth, to argue - but also again he gets cut off.

"I mean it, Sam." Dean stands up, feeling stiff and sore. Spending all night on a chair after a fight isn't a great way to relax.

Sam shakes his head, now reconciled to the fact that he _will_ have to stay in bed. Dean's tucked him up in such a way that he would need to be Houdini to escape, anyway.

He watches Dean pause in his way to the bathroom; watches as he turns to face him with one of those "we need to talk" looks on his face.

_Crap. Here we go..._

Dean pulls a hand through his hair. "And Sam… Last night, I saw it."

Sam tries to smile; to look unknowing. "Saw what?"

"How much weight you've lost…" Trails off.

Sam's smile disappears. He looks to the bedclothes instead.

Silence - it's louder than words, or those unspoken questions.

"Well?" Dean asks with a touch of his old impatience. "Are you going to tell me what's going on here, Sam?"

Sam clears his throat. Doesn't look at Dean when he starts to talk.

"Things don't taste the same anymore - just worse. I can't really eat anything anyway…I feel too sick."

It's blunt and to the point. He lies down, and rolls over so his back is facing his brother.

Dean gapes, staring at the lump covered by bedsheets. It's some answer.

_Well. Shit._

* * *


	7. Tasteless

**A/N: ****So, this just hit me in the face yesterday and decided not go away 'til I wrote it all down. Then it grew, and became… A Drabble Series.  
No idea were it came from, either…. :thumbs up: It is set in no particular season, really - put it where you want! :grin:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Tasteless-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

They're sitting outside of the motel on the boxes of tools next to the Impala. Dean's changing the tyres on his beloved car, and has told Sam in no uncertain terms to "leave everything alone, or I'll fill you with rock salt."

Sam knows Dean actually would when it comes to his car, and decides in the interest of his own safetly to stay away. He's perched on a box staring into the distance.

He's lost in his thoughts when something nearly hits his head. He looks at what is now in his hands. A bottle.

A shake of the head followed by a grin. Then Dean's beside him, sitting down. Seems he's finished and wants to have a break before they hit the road.

"To your health." A smile plays around his face. He's only half joking, too.

Sam snorts. "Yeah - funny." The bottles clink together.

They haven't mentioned what Sam said earlier, and he's thankful for that. He raises the bottle to his lips and drinks, but he retches suddenly as the liquid touches his tongue, and forces himself not to spit his mouthful out.

_Knowning my luck I'd spit on the car, and then I'll be killed before I could say "Sorry."_

A snicker escapes him, even though his throat's burning and his mouth is still on fire, complaining about the _vile_ taste of the drink.

"Sam?" Dean looks at him, head to this side, questioning. "What's -"

"This tastes funny..." Sam says, interrupting him and holding the bottle out to Dean.

Dean looks at him with something like concern and a touch of reluctance. This is bringing up the subject neither of them want to mention.

"What do you mean? It's the same beer we always drink!" He looks at the label on Sam's bottle and then his, checking.

Sam places the bottle on the ground; abandoning it. He picks up the bottle cap, and shrugs.

"It just tastes…Different." He's speaking too quietly for his big brother's liking.

He raises an eyebrow. "Sam? Care to define "different"?" He asks, watching his brother ignore him.

"Sam!"

A sigh, before leaning back.

"Just…Not nice." He plays with the bottle cap absentmindedly, watching it catch the rays of the overhead sun.

"Is it like the food tasting weird thing you said to me earlier? Like that?" Dean leans forward, prompting for Sam to reply.

Even though he must know Sam doesn't want to talk about it.

_Sammy, what the hell is wrong…?_

A brief nod, that's all he gets. Before a "Yeah… sort of." More mutters. Followed by another shrug.

He doesn't let Sam see how freaked out he is; just raises the bottle to his lips, and quickly nods.

"Oh. Right."

He goes back to drinking; while Sam watches the bottle cap slip from his fingers.

* * *


	8. Swollen

**Woah… How long has it been?! A massive apology, guys - blame school! But hopefully I can post away and you'll like what I've got in store for yee.**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Swollen-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

Running water.

It's loud, heavy and the most beautiful sound in the world right now. How cruel - he needs the water so badly and he has to wait…

He gets up off the bed with a sigh. The bed that he's been sitting on in-between pacing the floor.

"Hurry up, Sam!" He shouts, pacing yet again up and down the small room.

_Trust Sam to enjoy the bloody shower… Stupid Samantha._

It's a small wonder that the carpet hasn't been worn through - he has marched up and down so often in the past twenty minutes.

Faint laughter issues from behind the bathroom door.

_At least someone's happy! _

"I'm nearly done, Dean!" Another round of laughter.

He grumbles, glaring at the door in front of him. "Whatever. Just hurry up!"

Taps turn. The blissful sound of water flowing ceases.

"Dean - why _are_ you so desperate to get a shower?" The Shower Thief calls. "Have you got a date? Oh wait - that girl turned you down…" A snigger.

He's about to retort back when he hears the water being turned on again.

_For the love of…! Not again!_

"SAM! For Christ sake, let me use the damn shower!"

A splash of water. A gurgle of laughter.

"I'll be out in a minute!"

"You said that five minutes ago!"

Dean viciously kicks the unfortunate chair closest to him, and then -

"Shit!"

- A split second later he's hobbling around, nursing his poor foot.

More laughter. Dean glares at the bathroom door.

"Shut up, Sam!" He gets no reply apart from the sound of a shower being turned off.

And then two minutes later Sam walks out, carefully wrapped and covered with those cheap motel towels.

He smirks. Dean smiles back, but feels like his head is going to explode from the buzz of questions present there.

_Since when has he been against walking around half -dressed?!_

"Finally, you're finished, Samantha!" Dean goes to push Sam out of his way to the bathroom, purely jokingly, and his hand collides with Sam's stomach.

Who recoils. Dean pulls his hand away, but it's too late.

"Ow!" It slips out.

Sam sighs, from a mixture of pain, and anger at himself for not holding that in, like he usually does.

Their eyes meet and in unison both look down to the place where Dean's hand had inflicted such pain.

Dean could hit himself with said hand - Sam's stomach is swollen.

He looks at his brother, whose big puppy eyes are pleading with him not to say a word. And so for once - since he'll do anything, _anything_ for Sam - Dean decides not to.

Yet he pulls off the winning smile only barely this time.

"Sorry, Sam…" Dives into the bathroom - a place of safety.

_Sam MUST be in pain…'Cause he usually never lets on!_

With that frightening thought, Dean gets into the shower. Water can wash away dirt and mud on his body, aches and pains in his muscles, but not this sickening worry now permanently lodged in his mind.

While outside, Sam leans gingerly against the wall, and closes his eyes.

Trying to ignore the worry in his own mind.

* * *


	9. Faint

**Woah… How long has it been?! A massive apology, guys - blame school! But hopefully I can post away and you'll like what I've got in store for yee.**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Faint-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

"Well, that was a pointless waste of time…" A sigh.

"So you can pointfully waste time?" A grin.

"Um, Dean, there's no such word as 'pointfully'…" A confused look.

Cue a short pause in which the brothers turn and look at one another. The door swings shut behind them.

"Jeeze Sam, ever heard of sarcasm?" It's Dean turn to sigh now.

_Only Sam could be so pernickety…_

Sam sticks his tongue out at his brother-

"Mature, real mature, Sam!" Dean mutters,

- before side-stepping his lanky frame to let an old lady pass him. He holds open the door, and smiles at her.

Dean waits for it.

_Five…Four…Three -_

"Why, thank you! You're a kind man, dearie!"

_Houston, objective complete._

She fawns over him, obviously. Dean knows all too well the effect that Sammy's smile, accompanied with the puppy eyes.

He has to give it to his brother, though. He _is _mannerly.

He taps his foot on the ground.

Sam doesn't have to be _that_ mannerly, though.

_Eventually _the Big Friendly Giant returns. Dean shakes his head.

They're walking back to the motel after a said pointless days research at the local library. Normally they would use Sam's laptop, but after an accident involving one hungry Dean, a slice of bread and a pot of jam, well… It would be fixed in the next day or so.

But it was the old pattern back in play. New hunt - same routine.

So, they're walking and then -

Sam suddenly lurches to one side. He regains his balance, but Dean grabs his arm anyway. But -

He tugs his arm away.

"Dean -"

"Oh, that's right. _You're fine_." It's snapped back.

Dean's temper, not improved after a long day among dusty boxes is being stoked up, ready to burn.

_Why can't Sam just stop being so bloody stubborn?!_

"Yeah. I am fine!" Sam snaps back.

"Good. I'm fed up with worrying about you!"

"Did I ask you to? No!" Sam rolls his eyes. "Just leave me alone!"

"Fine!" He drops his brother's arm like it is contaminated and stalks off.

"Fine!" He hears it called back.

He walks ahead of Sam. Cursing under his breath as he does.

_Bloody little… _

Then images flash through his head. Of him and Sam. Of Sam looking terrible. And then he feels terrible.

"Damn it, Sammy…" Whispered.

His conscience has to attack him now. He tries to keep walking. And fails, being forced to stop.

Yet he hasn't noticed he's way ahead of his brother, until he looks back.

There's no Sam.

Turns around - sees him leaning against a wall, swaying.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit…_

"Sam?"

Half closed eyes look up, and abruptly close.

Then he races over. Watching helplessly as suddenly -

- There's a thud.

Too late.

"Sammy?"

He cradles his brother. Sees the closed eyes, the pale skin.

His heart races; panics.

_Sammy, don't do this to me!_

"Come on Sam… I'm sorry for what I said! Just wake up, buddy…"

A small flicker. Then hazel eyes open.

They're full of blazing disorientation.

"…Dean…?" Now confused.

Dean feels awash with relief.

_Thank God!_

"Hey there, kiddo. Welcome back."


	10. A Plea

**Woah… How long has it been?! A massive apology, guys - blame school! But hopefully I can post away and you'll like what I've got in store for yee.**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-A Plea-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

The only noise is a faint tick tock, tick tock. Yet to Dean it's similar to the sound of a thunderous drum, and it's killing his head.

Eyes anxiously flicker back to the unconscious Winchester lying on another crappy motel bed.

Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock…

It has been nearly half an hour since one Samuel Winchester keeled over out on the street. Dean thought everything was okay after Sam opened his eyes there, but after trying to get him up -

"_Come on Sammy, get up…" Dean tries to help his younger brother up, but Sam moans. Hands cradle his head._

"…'_Ean…Head…Hurts…"_

"_I know, you dumbass!" Worry strains his voice, making it crack. "Once you get into the motel, you can lie down and be all sissy. Until then- Sam?" Catches sight of a pale face._

"_My…Head…" Mumbles._

_Slump._

"_Oh no you don't, Sam! Get off your ass!" Dean sees the eyes are closed and sighs. Runs a hand through his hair. _

_He's forced to actually carry his brother once more. Who's nothing but a feather-weight now._

And so Dean had had to carry Sam back into the motel room. Luckily no one thought it seemed strange.

_Probably think we're gay again -_

The thought almost makes him chuckle.

Almost. He's too worried to be merry.

Tick…tock…tick…tock…

"Sammy…Why do you have to do this to me?" A broken whisper said straight from a broken heart.

Tick…tock… Suddenly the clock is drowned out by a -

Rustle - there's a stir from the bed.

Dean turns his head so quickly he can hear his neck creak.

Hazel eyes blearily open. Sam takes in the bed, the room… His eyes look to Dean. They're full of confusion.

"Wha'…?"

He tries again, both to talk and to ignore the pounding headache from Hell. "Wha' 'appened Dean?"

_Sam waking up is always an opportunity for an intelligent conversation._

A snort, and Dean extracts himself from the chair and crouches beside Sam.

He hasn't left the bedside for twenty minutes.

"Dean…?" A timid whisper. Sam looks at him. "What happened…?"

Dean sighs, partly from relief, but mostly from exhaustion - constantly worrying is the equivalent of no sleep as far as he is concerned.

"You fainted, dude." He offers as an explanation.

"I did?" Sam edges himself upwards to look at his brother.

"Yeah."

"Oh." Lets his head fall back on the pillow, the fight to sit up abandoned.

This brief exchange makes Dean out as terse, but he's worried and about to break. What _is_ wrong with his little brother?

There's only one way to find out - the absolute last resort. Only used in times of dire need, but hell, this is one of those times.

He clears his throat. The clock's tick-tocking seems to grow in the background.

"Uh, Sam?"

A faint mumble is heard from the pillow -

_Talk about actual 'pillow talk' -_

And Dean takes that as an acknowledgement and ploughs ahead, "Look, I think you're sick. Very sick, okay? And no, you can't interrupt me."

Steely green eyes meet exasperated hazel ones. Sam mutinously shuts his mouth.

"You're not 'fine', Sam. Maybe you should go to hospital -"

"Dean, I'm not -"

"You should go to hospital…" Dean ignores his brother. "Just for a check-up…Please…?" Last word thrown in as a plea.

As a desperate plea.

Silence. The clock screams in the background.

"No…" Softly spoken, and Sam retreats under the bed sheets.

Dean stands still, feeling his world shatter at his feet.

Tick…tock…

The hour strikes. To Dean, it feels as if time is up.

* * *


	11. Bloodbath

**Woah… How long has it been?! A massive apology, guys - blame school! But hopefully I can post away and you'll like what I've got in store for yee.**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Bloodbath-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

Sam looks up from the newspaper and watches in amused revulsion as Dean proceeds to shove pancake after pancake into his mouth.

He hasn't eaten anything - he's not hungry - but even if he were, he doubts whether he still would be after seeing the carnage before him.

Dean swallows and looks up. Sam shakes his head and goes back to reading. Dean grins.

He glances down at his own paper, half covered with pancake crumbs. He brushes them away, catching sight of something.

"What about this?" Gestures to the article. The waving around prompts several crumbs to scatter. Sam smirks. Dean shrugs.

He's talking away about the possibilities of a new hunt. Trying as hard as possible to act normal. Not wanting to constantly worry.

_If only…_

He holds up the page. Sam leans forward to look.

"What about this? A ten year old boy went missing…" Glances at Sam; trails off.

Puts down the paper article.

"Sam?" Dean can't stop staring. The hand he had near his mouth ready to shovel in more food is frozen in mid-air.

"Dean?" A confused face. "Why're you staring…?" He turns around - maybe something's behind him?

He sees nothing. Swivels around to face his older brother. "What?" A glimmer of impatience.

Dean stares still.

Talk about role reversal.

Dean points at his face. Drops the food in his hand.

Then it hits him, or rather - soaks him.

Blood trickles from his nose and creates a bloody path down his face. Cascades down his neck. Even drips unto his shirt.

A frantic fumble for napkins ensues - Dean passes them over wordlessly.

They get through all that was at the table.

Eventually the nosebleed -

_Can something like that be likened to a small nosebleed?!_

- subsides. Sam drops the bloodied napkins unto a tray. Looks down at his hands. Hands that are stained. He doesn't look up.

Doesn't want to catch Dean's eye.

Silence prevails. Dean folds the paper with unnecessary noise.

They stand in unison, ready to leave. Both pairs of eyes stare at the table. Sam looks at Dean, trying to grin.

"Looks like a bloodbath." He jokes, attempting to inject some humour and to lighten the suffocating mood.

Dean only looks back at him with something like amazement. Amazement as in, "How the hell can you joke about _that_?"

His words are dark. Perfectly matching the mood.

"That's 'cause it is."

* * *


	12. Breathless

**A/N:**** Yes, I am indeed on a roll right now. ;)  
****Good news (or bad news, however you take it) is that I am now half-way through this series… And I promise that you will soon find out what it is that Sam has!  
****I am writing all of this from memory - of things I have seen in real life. Therefore don't think that this is all made-up and could never happen - it isn't, and it can.**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you! You guys keep me going and I really appreciate it.**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Breathless-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

So he is lying on the bed late at night and attempting to sleep. Or rather, to fain sleep, as he can't actually doze off.

He doesn't want Dean to worry anymore about him than what he already is.

It had been a long and tiring day, even though Dean refused to let him do much -

"_Sam, you fainted yesterday! Like, full-on fainted. Obviously I'm not gonna let you start working on the hunt again until you feel better!" _

_Dean omitted to mentioned that in his opinion, Sam wouldn't actually get better. After all, he was only getting worse and he couldn't do anything…_

_He had stared at Dean. "What? Are you actually serious? Dean, I was too warm yesterday! And kinda tired too - hence the fainting, alright? I'm -" Gets interrupted by an irate Winchester._

"_Say you're 'fine' one more time and I swear to God, Sam, I'll hit you hard enough to knock some sense into you!" Cue an explosive of torrential words that burst from Dean's mouth. _

"_You are staying here and resting, okay?" Pauses to see if Sam will interrupt him._

_He doesn't - Dean is pissed and you don't mess with him when he's in that kind of mood._

_Dean continues, "Just work on research but nothing else. Sleep, if you can. Rest - you know the drill. Then tomorrow I'll see if you can work again." Goes to the door and opens it. "And Sam?"_

_Sam looks up, anger written on his features. "What, Dean?"_

_Dean's expression of big-brotherly outrage momentarily thaws. "Just get better, okay?"_

He had followed his brother's orders to the letter, and only worked on his laptop and various newspaper articles and books, but he was still tired.

The kind of dog-tiredness he had been recently suffering from. He just couldn't feel refreshed, even after several hours sleep. Sleep which was hard to get - he was so tired he couldn't sleep.

Dean had fussed over him again once he got back and Sam had done his best to hide his tiredness and throbbing headache and had hopefully succeeded since Dean hadn't questioned him. Soon after he had clambered into his bed while Dean had which T.V, but he was wide awake the whole time, even when Dean had crashed for the night.

So here he was, lying in bed wide awake and pretending to sleep, thinking over a new lead he had found when without warning -

His chest constricts, his throat tightens and he suddenly can't breathe.

Strangled gasps issue from his mouth. Faint wheezing meets his ears and he realises with a shock it's him. He can actually feel the tightness in his chest and the pain it causes him.

Sam tells himself not to panic - that would only succeed in making matters worse, he knows - yet he can't help it.

_I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe_

He's on the floor now, gasping. He fell with such a loud thud that his knees should be hurting but nothing registers - everything fades compared to the problem at hand.

_I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe_

Sam's on his knees, struggling to breathe. Every breath is short and ragged.

Wheezing and gasping and everything is fading around him and he's scared and-

- Then the lights are on and he faintly hears past his failing attempts at breathing a startled "Sammy?" followed by harsh swearing.

Dean rushes to his brother, forces him to straighten out and relax.

"Hey, Sammy!" Said calm and soothingly. "Shh…Relax, kiddo." The hands are on his back, encouraging him to heed the words and calm himself.

"…'Ean…-"

"Don't talk, Sammy. Just breathe, okay? Deep breaths now. In and out. That's it…" Dean is there beside him, breathing with him, calming him. He keeps up the talking, turning it into a mantra which is surprisingly soothing.

It seems to take forever, but eventually he can breathe once more. He holds his head in his hands.

_What…Happened…?_

The hands of his brother are still on his back. But he doesn't mind. He feels safe.

"Dean -"

"Oh, sorry Sam -" Dean, thinking that his little brother wants him away goes to remove his hold but Sam interrupts.

He's made up his mind. No more suffering Dean - he was being selfish by doing that.

"Dean…" The silence in the room is unnerving. "Dean, I… Think I should go to hospital." Sam closes his eyes, waiting for the reaction.

_Is he going to be all, "You should've gone ages ago?"_

More silence. A siren blares in the distance.

Then there's a hushed "Thank God, Sammy" and the arms are wrapped around him.

And Dean wants to cry in pure relief.

_Thank God indeed._


	13. Hospital

**A/N:**** Yes, I am indeed on a roll right now. ;) **

**Just a short word to say that due to many peoples requests, I will ****be writing a sequel to "Death in Cartoon Motion". I'm really excited as I've got a great idea, focused around my favourite Non- Winchester character from the show. So be on the lookout for a new story, coming to the SPN Fanfic category near you! :drum roll:**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you!  
You guys keep me going and I really appreciate it. Massive thanks - I love you all.**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Hospital-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

He was fidgeting continuously. Hadn't been sitting sit for longer than two minutes. Tapping his foot, playing with his hands, glancing constantly at the clock on the wall - the fidgeting went on.

_He really reminds me right now of what he was like as a kid. Always moving…_

Dean watches as Sam yet again looks at the clock. He can't help but laugh. Sam looks at him searchingly.

"It's been five seconds since you last looked, Francis." Dean offers as an explanation, served with a light grin.

Sam sighs, not even up to laughing back.

"I know, but…It's just…" He holds his hands out helplessly and sighs again, before restraining himself for looking at the clock. Sam puts his head down.

"You hate hospitals." Dean finishes for him. Trying to be helpful, of course.

_Another link between him and Dad - both of them hate these places and both are too stubborn to drag their sorry asses here._

Dean wasn't going to say too much on the subject - for if he was totally honest -

_Something you don't hear about me everyday_

- he hated hospitals too. But… The point still stood. He, as the big brother had an obligation to ensure his little brother was okay and if that meant dragging him to hospital, then so be it. Regardless of said brother's feelings for it.

Sam looks up and nods briefly before tugging his sleeves over his hands -

_Something new there_

- and glancing at the clock.

_Not so new._

Dean sighs himself. For Sam does hate hospitals, he knows. He also knows that since Sam would never set a foot in the place if he had too, then him actually deciding to go meant something was wrong.

A small laugh.

_No shit._

A kind-looking nurse walks over, smiling. Sam looks at her as if she is the Antichrist, about to drag him to hell or something.

Insert a kick here.

"Ow!" Sam hisses, rubbing his shin. "What was that for?"

"Be nice! She's not going to eat you!" Dean says, trying not to laugh. "Talk about role reversal, Sam. Normally I'm like that!"

_Sam is usually the one telling me to be nice to people._

Sam rolls his eyes. "No, you're normally eyeing up the nurses, probably imagining them naked and hoping they will eat you, which doesn't bear thinking about right now as this nurse is old enough to be our mom -"

"Sam!" Dean feels at a loss for words because Sam's right. About everything, actually. Seeing Sam smirk at him, he rolls his eyes this time. "Oh, shut up!"

A snort. "Wow. Great comeback there, Dean. How could I ever compete with someone so witty as yourself - OW! That one really hurt!" He rubs his knee this time, glaring at his brother.

Dean grins. "The older one always gets the last say, Sammy. Always!"

A hissed "Jerk" issues from Sam's mouth, which is now twisted into something that he must believe is a smile, Dean thinks. The nurse is looking at them now and pretty close and Sam is attempting to be polite.

_And failing._

He snorts.

"Whatever, bitch." He laughs at the glare he receives from Sam and smiles at the nurse. Yes, she is old enough to be their mom but she's still pretty, anyway.

_I am perving on a woman old enough to be my mother. I'm going to hell._

The nurse is in front of them now, checking her clipboard and looking at Sam with a motherly smile.

"Samuel Johnston?" She enquires.

A sigh. "Yeah…That's me."

She looks at Dean. "Are you a family member, sir?"

"Yeah…I'm his brother." He looks at her and then at Sam. "Is he getting seen to now?"

She nods, ponytail swishing. "Yes, Doctor Harrison will see you now. She's in exam room four, just down the corridor on your left." And then she's gone, but not until she throws another smile at Sam.

"Well, Sammy - you do get _all_ the girls."

Sam sticks his tongue out and gets up. Dean stays where he is.

A panicked look - "you're not coming?"

Dean's about to say no - after all, it's Sam who needs checking out and not him and he's not a kid anymore - but the edge of uncertainty and panic make him change his mind.

A sudden smile in reply. "If you want - then, sure." He gets up and stretches.

_Those chairs are made by someone with a curvature of the spine. I swear it._

They're walking down the corridor. Dean attempts to lighten the mood,

"It's only 'cause there are no good magazines, of course."

An issue of laughter from both.

"Sammy…" Serious now, "Don't worry, alright?"


	14. Reassurance

**A/N:**** Yes, I am indeed updating. How amazing am I. ;)  
****All I can say is thanks to those who've kept me going. They know who they are. Love you, guys.**

**Also, feel free to check out my new fic, starring Emo! Sam and Superman! Gabriel. (Yes, you did read that right.) Called "Whispers in the Dark", it has angst and sarcasm and bleeding galore. Don't you love me. :P**

**Disclaimer: ****Obviously, I do not own Supernatural, Sam or Dean. Not even a teeny tiny knife or weeny gun.  
****Lyrics are the amazing Within Temptation's "Memories". (So, not mine either.)**

**Thanks to:**** Everyone who has reviewed, added this to their alerts/favourites…I feel so honoured! Thank you! You guys keep me going and I really appreciate it. Massive thanks - I love you all.**

* * *

**~Suffered In Silence ~**

-Reassurance-

_In this world you tried…  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way…  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

* * *

The walk to the consultation room feels so slow and deeply foreboding. Their footsteps echo; marring the silence which has fallen over the two brothers since leaving the reception.

In a way, it faintly resembles a soldier walking to a firing squad.

Dean shakes his head. It's due to his tenseness, but also because he wants to rid his mind of the images such a metaphor merits.

But in vain. For looking at Sam walking, it feels a tad too realistic.

_Well. This is fun._

He glances again at his younger brother. The brother who he has looked after all his life. The brother who can be geeky, but so brave. The brother who is carefully avoiding meeting his gaze. Stares at the ground as he walks.

And Dean knows the reason why.

He doesn't want his big brother, his role model; to see that he's scared.

The thought, and knowing that it is true makes Dean shake his head yet again. It's typical Sammy. Always thinking of others, especially Dean, before himself.

A tiny smile brushes his lips like a brush to canvas.

But it makes Dean all the more determined to return the favour. He has to act calm and collected, like a big brother should. He cannot let Sammy guess that he is as scared as he is. If not more.

Their footsteps still echo as they walk. They've reached the room now - both pause outside it. Both Hesitate. Both look in opposite directions.

No one willingly walks into the lion's den, after all.

Dean swallows. It's over to him now.

_My turn, Sammy._

"Do you want me to go in first?" Sam looks at him. His eyes are full of questions. And Dean's mouth will answer.

"'Cause if it's a she, and if she's hot… I wanna be the first one she sees." He grins. Partly acting, and partly in relief that his lying skills are so polished.

Just when Dean thinks Sam's hazel eyes have pierced his shield of lies, there is a faint issuing of laughter.

He joins in. For a second, it feels normal.

Then Sam is suddenly serious.

"Thanks, Dean, but no thanks. I'm gonna have to go in first." He is looking at him at last, head held high and face totally resolute.

"Sammy -"

_You don't have to do this -_

"Dean, it's okay." Sam breathes in deeply. "I'm gonna face this thing head on. Just like it's something supernatural, yeah?" Attempts a grin. Before Dean can answer, he has knocked the door.

"Come in!" A female voice calls out.

Trying, for once, to imitate Sam,

_More role-reversal -_

Dean puts on his award-winning smile.

_Act like everything's fine and dandy._

"Fine, go in. But if she falls for you…"

Another laugh, and Sam laughs too. But he is still scared, Dean can see that.

A whispered, "You'll be fine, Sammy." A fake smile is added to his mask.

A raised head followed by a shake.

"But I'm not." Hazel eyes meet green, offering an apology. But for what, Dean doesn't know.

A tight and brief smile crawls on his baby brother's face. Then Sam slips into the room, and Dean allows his face to drop the mask.

He's scared too.


End file.
